I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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