So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
