oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize