He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I just sucked dick on a ferry
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
