this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
i think my cat just said my name.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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