this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
