You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
