there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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