Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
