My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
