Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
