just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
