Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
