Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
