Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
