she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
