my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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