I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
