how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
