I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
