he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Randomize
