I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize