As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
