Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize