I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
