Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
