Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
