I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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