they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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