I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
