i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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