I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
