Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
