i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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