Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
