During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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