Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
