weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
