whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
do nipples grow back?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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