Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
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