i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
