I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
