mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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