I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
