you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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