Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
