Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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