oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Randomize
