Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
