I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
