I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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