pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
