That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize