he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
