EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
