gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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