dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
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