look no pants
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
