every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
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