Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
