This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
