The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
