every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
