oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
