she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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