Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
