i don't plan on having that self control this summer
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
