My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
