it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Randomize
