Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
