She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
