moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
