This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Life is so much better after having sex.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
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