someone get that fucking seahorse.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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