You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
