I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
