When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm just crazy horny about you
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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