Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
