At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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